It's days like today when it's mind over matter.
I know that everything I do, I do for a purpose. It's just the way that I am. It's the way I'll always be. Once I commit, I commit with everything I have - which frankly is always to keep myself with the pack or ahead of the pack. Frustration sets in for me a lot as I go through the process of training for the USA's with some of the toughest competition I've seen yet and the possibility of becoming something I've always aimed and dreamed of... "The Pros." This show if I were to perform better than all the rest in my class earns me the right to get my pro card and the opportunity to be among the elite.
It's days like this that I have to keep my ultimate goal in mind and trust my body that we can and will do this. It's no longer easy. I have been dieting now for about 7 months straight (not cutting the entire time) - eating "clean" I'd like to say. Of course my body is craving. I'm only human.
Although I may splurge sometimes, my husband likes to say that I never quite go crazy. Really it's just that I have too much food guilt. Sure, I just have a meal that I may not have had on my nutrition plan or enjoy some frozen yogurt. It's all relative and it's all to keep me sane - feel like a normal, regular, everyday type of person. But for me food is a fuel. I know what's in it and I eat for a purpose (see I told you everything I do is like this.)
For the first two shows I felt pretty good. I knew I had to perform, and was excited and noticing differences daily. I started to get into it and competing is something many people would never even attempt to do. My body still felt pretty good and for me, I started at a higher body fat, so losing another few percent was not overkill. -- Then the second show; competition gets tougher and I've been on the "eating plan"/structure for some time.
It's more of a mind game at this point.I found myself saying, you can do this, afterall you have been at this for 4-5 months. It all gets you closer to the pros. But then the final show comes. At 7 months in and it no longer is "fun." I feel like I look good, but not great. I need to look great. If I don't look great, I can't perform the way I want to, and the what I expect of myself is to push harder than the average person, keeping standards that border on farily illogical. Part of it I think is that I'm scared.
Scared that I haven't put myself in a winning position, that I won't make it. The other part is the frustration that you STILL can't do what the normal people do because frankly you're just not. My body now doesn't recognize what some of my coworkers would like is an okay lunch - peanut butter and jelly sandwich, no. Eating out at Olive Garden or to be truthful even eating something most people that eat "healthy" have as an option like Chick-Fil-A, no.
I look at food as fuel. Mind over matter, it's important to keep things in perspective and try not to be overwhelmed that really you can't eat like ANYONE eats.The body is craving, that's okay. I don't have to do this forever. It is a choice, it's a lifestyle.
It's become a lifestyle. But even as a lifestyle the final goal is always hard. As my husband keeps telling me, it's like the last 2 miles of a marathon - you know what you've accomplished. You can't give in now until you finish - you're committed. You want this. You deserve this. Sometimes you just have to push through and know you will succeed, this is what you trained for. Yes, it's going to hurt. Yes, it's not easy. That's okay. That's normal.
Expect a lot from yourself, dream big - because no matter what it takes, no matter how many times you break down; I will keep going. These are the times that you push, push, push. Mantra: I'm not going to stop, I'm not going to waiver. I will get this - I want this too bad. I deserve this, so make it happen and train hard. Show that you deserve to be on the podium!
